quite recently i had this image in my mind out of the blue: i was standing in front of a full band rehearsal and i was directing them through songs, worship songs. and i was sharpening the dynamics of the songs the band was playing, envisioning how it would lead the ppl into worshipping God.
one or two years back Pst James Singh prophesied 5 things over my life, a couple of them being
- hear melodies from heaven
- begin to write songs
- teach others what i know
many years back, my mum was a church keyboardist. she learned to play the keyboard in 1 month after the time the pastor told her to get ready. she was only grade 3 then. it was an instruction, not a request, and the pastor was very strict so she didn't have a choice.
initially she was very reluctant becos she's very shy by nature. during her first time playing she was so nervous that she requested for her keyboard to be placed with her back facing the audience so she wouldn't have to see their faces. i wasn't even born at this point.
after some time, there was a church split becos of disagreement in some doctrine, and my mum stopped playing. shortly after, another opportunity came for her to play as a church keyboardist, but she refused. she missed her call, and all the promises that had been spoken over her regarding her ministry as a keyboardist.
i rmb her telling me, she cried and she cried becos she knew that that opportunity was the door to her calling and greater ministry, but becos of fear she didn't want to serve. in the midst of her tears and regret, she cried out to God for a second chance: that the call of her ministry would be passed on to one of her children instead, when she had them. a few years later, i was born.
as a young child, i had always been fascinated and moved by music. music was such a compelling force that i always had to stop and listen. i felt that if i didn't listen, i would let the music down. it was strange, but true.
i was taught basic, really basic, chord triads by my mum when i was in upper pri. at that point i was beginning to give my life to God. and i had longed for a way to express my worship and devotion to Him apart from being in a church service. it was then i discovered: i could use music to worship Him.
two or three years down the road, with many days in between of unheard of hours spent on the piano everyday in worship and tears. i would take songs i heard on sun, ppl singing, all around, and find their chords and just worship. and everytime, God gave me the melodies. the improvisations. the sixes, the thirds, the fourths. everything came from Him. the knowledge that seemingly came from my head to my hands was actually first in my hands before it reached my head. ppl said it was impossible, but with God, i choose to believe its possible.
i was in Gen 7 cell then: isaiah, eunice chia, abel, kenneth, karen, ben, jensen, (more but i forgot).
isaiah heard that i could play very basic songs - he set me up to play a really rundown $200-worth keyboard that belonged to Pst Rupert for our cell grps.
1 yr later, we became zone 5.
was asked to audition for zone band, natty was the only other keyboardist who auditioned with me. i was chosen. nam as electric guit. ken as drummer. juli as bassist. zac as acoustic guit. weeshan and wendy yu as vocalists.
one or two years later, 2006, Like Crazy camp. janice fell sick on the second last day of camp, and it was the last night of the sessions for the camp. i was the person who took her place at the keyboard.
feeling weak and inadequate and insufficient, with cold trembling hands and sweaty palms, it was my first time playing for the youth ministry. little did i know, i was beginning to fulfill the call that was passed from my mum.
the following year, generations began putting me up for the youth services, to play as first keyboardist, with a 2nd keyboardist supporting me. march came, and i received a notice that i was selected to play in the Ignite Band'07.
the worship ldr was rachel gunasilan, songwriter of the song Worthy in the Revival album, from Emmanuel Assembly of God. the band was a mixture of the best musicians from various churches, but for me, i was guessing it was a subject of availability. or destiny?
the 2nd day of the ignite conference came and i was still in sch. rushed down to Bethesda church in chai chee and reached there early. night came and i was trembling. 40+ churches' youth ministries gathered to praise and worship together. it was intimidating. there was a blackout during the praise and worship but the band didnt care. it was just pure worship without the aircon and no sound, just the drums and the voices of the ppl. we perspired. but soon, the electricity returned. and that night i couldn't forget.
just this wed, it was my first time playing for a church meeting, with my senior pastor around. it was a prayer meeting. was quite unravelled at first because it was impromptu, Carol only smsed in the late afternoon. rushed down from work, and only 10mins rehearsal and the meeting started 2mins after. the praise and worship was full of mistakes, and i was getting distracted. but halfway thru i just made myself vulnerable, vulnerable to failure. and trusted Him to keep me going thru the 2 hrs. at the end it was all worthwhile, a new benchmark in my life. caleb, pst rupert, pst daphne, spoke to me after that. it seems caleb is speaking to pst daniel about letting me play for other church meetings as well as 1st and 2nd service.
many many other experiences in this ministry that i have not recorded here. but i feel the call on my life in this ministry getting clearer and clearer each time. i somehow know that one day i would be there, in front of the full band, directing them on how to lead the congregation to worship. who knows maybe even write songs.
hope this is an encouragement to everyone out there who is reading this. you're nv too inadequate or inferior to serve God. pour out your life to Him in surrender and worship, and watch Him work out destiny in your life!(:
